apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
