I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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