Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
