Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a search helicopter?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
