ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
