a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
