Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
