I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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