My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
