I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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