I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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