Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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