lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
