I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize