I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
