so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bring me that man meat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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