i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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