Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
