i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize