I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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