she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
