that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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