I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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