He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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