More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize