Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
