He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
