hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
