STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
