Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
