Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Enjoy the penises
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
