Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
