If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize