I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize