hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bet he comes in French.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
