I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
