im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
