I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
