a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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