win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
