you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
