Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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