This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
babies were throwing up all over the place
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
