i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
