no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
