Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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