Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize