1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your parents love me but you hate me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
