Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
