part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
