they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
