What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
