At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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