I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize