You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need water and some morals
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
