I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
