I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
