You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
