first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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