Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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