All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
