She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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