i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
