When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
