What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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