you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
