she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize