it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
