Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
