she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize