That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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