If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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