Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
