grandma shit on top of the toilet
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
