when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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