I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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