We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
