currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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