that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
