i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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