I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
