Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
