I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
