In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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