You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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