im having a threesome with these popsicles
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
