I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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