dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
