break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize