should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
