): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
