What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think i have two assholes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you inspire me to be a worse person
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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