Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
