help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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