So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
