I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
