she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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