i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
