....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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