she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
