bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
