an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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