420 ftw
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
