Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
