billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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