So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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