id be glad to
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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