Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
