maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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