You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
