i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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