where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
